mama whose curiosity knows no bounds

Posts tagged ‘Empty feeling’

Cleaning fridge

This morning my hubby and I cleaned fridge. I know I must do more often, but I’m just too lazy. In preparation, for the last two weeks, I minimized purchasing groceries and used whatever I had. In such Cookpad is my greatest friend!

Now I have a clean fridge:

Yay now I have a clean fridge!

Yay now I have a clean fridge!

I also cleaned under fridge space and found a lot of stuff—lots of heads of niboshi (dried anchovies that we use as treat for my cats), cat hair, dusts, and among them I found lots of K’s toys and this picture drawn years ago by my daughter:

Drawing family circa 2009?

Then I had this sad feeling of “erasing K’s existence from this house”. I profoundly felt this feeling when I bought half dozen of GLASS TUMBLERS. We were all plastic household. My hubby looked happy to have a neat sets of glasses, but I felt like I’m making this house inhabitable for K. Make it unfriendly for K one space at a time.

This feeling is the cost of placing him to a group home. But this won’t change the fact and conviction that I made the right decision.

The evidence of his existence is everywhere I haven’t cleaned. Hiding stuff under or behind furniture was one of K’s favorite activities. So I have this feeling pretty often. But this time what came out made me feel more. The drawing of my family, all four, as my daughter saw it when she was probably 5 or so. No longer.

At least I have a clean fridge even for a few days. ┬áIt’s a good thing.




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