mama whose curiosity knows no bounds

Posts tagged ‘rest’

Sabbath? no not really

For the last 3 months or so, I defined Sunday as my “rest day” as though it is a Sabbath. But in my case, it is merely “mental and physical health day”.

On Sunday I do nothing I have to do, I do something that I want to do –like blogging, or when I feel good enough, sewing. Most of the time, I spend the day in bed, just resting, doing nothing.

Now K is in group home, most Saturday I visit him, unless flare-up or other stuff interferes. Even if my husband drives for most of the time, and in cover myself with UPF50+ shawl, still 4 hours or ride is stressful to my body. That made it start my rest day habit. It allows me to recharge myself so I can go forward with the week ahead of me.

During weekdays I now have to wake up an hour earlier than before, thanks to S going to middle school that starts an hour early. I think this triggered the development of this habit.

Of course it needs cooperation of my family, and luckily, I have. I don’t cook – I often spend all day eating only cereals and my husband and my daughter enjoys meat dish – like bacon and spinach. And now S is old enough, I can ask her to prepare Monday’s lunch – or she will have “hot lunch” at the school – and she always opts for preparing one, even if that means that the lunch consists of three cookies, a cheese stick, and a cupful of fruit. Today she prepared cheese pasta with some vegetables and apparently ready to go.

I don’t do dishes – it’s always my husband’s job. I don’t do laundry, even if that means I have to do two loads on Monday.

This turns out to be quite a good arrangement.  Interestingly, no matter how much I sleep during Sunday, I can sleep through the night. So I just think I’m catching up, even though I usually sleep seven hours every day. I sometimes wish if I could do with less sleep but that was not the case. So I try to make the most out. 

I think many people with chronic illness can make use of this rest day.  It also helped me to say “no” on everything that happens on Sunday. 

When K was at home, Sunday used to be the toughest day of the week. He woke me up at around 8, asking for food. Then ask me to stay with everything he does, even though it means stimming and immerse himself in his world. Because I couldn’t take him to public place out of fear of meltdown, he demanded to go out for a ride. So I drove my neighbor, 30 minutes at a time, sometimes stopping by a gas station to buy his favorite junk food so he learns to stand in line and wait until I pay for the item before he opens the bag. We usually repeated it for 3-4 times a day. What a waste of gasoline! Then whenever he appears to enjoy himself, I sneaked out to do a week’s worth of grocery shopping. Prepare dinner and next days lunch, give K his sleep med, and had harder time making him fall asleep because I was too lazy to wake up as the same schedule.

As I write this, I wondered how I managed THAT.  Probably the sheer force of will/situation.  I realize how much I stressed myself. 

I’m finally learning how to rest myself. And I’m hoping that this will lead to better self for my family. But only they know if they are happier or not with me in bed all day.



lupus flare and prednisone and self-hate

For the last few days I’ve been really sick. I think I did my best to calm my angry immune system down and recover. Basically, I rested whenever I can.

For whatever reasons, I’ve been having more flare-ups than , say, a few months ago. Maybe my synthroid is not enough to manage my hypothyroid from thyroidectomy. Maybe I’m too busy doing stuff. Maybe because since S started middle school, it’s been difficult to go to walk track to exercise. Maybe I’m too involved with emotional discussion in Facebook. Just maybe.

Yesterday it was overwhelmingly hard so I had no choice but stay in bed all day. I had an event I must attend in the evening so I need to recover even for a little bit for that. Thanks to the bed rest and Vicodin, which I take very sparingly, I was able to function at the event. One stuff on the list down.

Then this morning, pain and fatigue is back again. Also today is my Fosamax day. I wake up before 6 am and take Fosamax then stay upright for 30 minutes. Usually I lean on couch and pretend to be awake, but I even couldn’t do that. Nausea and pounding headache was added to the mix. Only after that Fosamax time, I could take my morning medicine, which include tramadol and etodolac to control pain and inflammation.

Today simply that was not enough. Last week I was sick so I canceled my visit to my son, K. So I MUST GO SEE HIM NO MATTER WHAT. Then I gave in the temptation—-I took some extra prednisone, which guarantees to bring back energy and reduces my joint pain. My rheumatologist prescribes some extra prednisone for that purpose.

Now the self-hatred kicks in. I feel like a drug addict trying to recover and relapsed. Since I already have osteoporosis, I’ve been making a conscious effort to minimize prednisone. And trying to replace it with much healthier option — rest. I tend to do more than I can handle, so saying no and setting aside some time to rest both emotionally and physically was something I  worked hard to achieve. 

Now I’m letting my schedule taking over my rest and taking that magic pill. At the expense of my bones and probably pancreas. Well, of course my son is worth giving up some bone health and I can work to catch up with exercise. Still, my effort for the last few days to rest was replaced by the magic pill. I feel defeated, as my energy level goes up. 

All I can do now is get off of it very quickly, though it will take at least a week.


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